Flash That Thing
by L100Meganium
Summary: Prompt from the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme: Character A tells Character B the canon story of Phoenix's badge and his habit to show it to everyone. Character B totally thinks they're talking about Phoenix's [redacted]. In which Apollo misinterprets some rumors and becomes very uncomfortable, and in which Phoenix's secret comes out.


**A/N:** I wrote this in response to a friend's prompt over at the Kink Meme because I can't resist making a bunch of dumb innuendo jokes :')  
Please enjoy.

* * *

Apollo didn't know what to think when he heard the whispers about his boss.

"They say he's always whipping it out and showing it to everyone."

"Yeah, it didn't happen for quite a while, but I heard he'll be at it again soon."

He would have, of course, assumed this was completely innocent... until he heard the stranger comments.

"I heard the only one who's handled it besides him is the Chief Prosecutor... that's only a rumor, though."

"It wouldn't surprise me. Those two have always been a little _too_ close..."

Now, _that_ gave him pause.

"I heard the Chief Prosecutor once flew on a private plane just to come over here to the States and get it from him."

All right, enough, Apollo thought. He was going to get to the bottom of this before it started to drive him insane.

* * *

He put down the book he'd had open on the table and looked over at the man on the other couch. "Hey, Mr. Wright. I've been hearing a lot about... a certain something you didn't use for a long time?..." He wasn't sure how to bring this up without being a) too invasive or b) too awkward. He was probably going to end up being awkward anyway.

Mr. Wright looked at him quizzically. He was in his typical gray sweater and blue hat, though of late he seemed a little more cheerful than usual. "Something I didn't use for a long time?" He rubbed his usually-scruffy chin, although it actually looked pretty clean-shaven today, on closer inspection.

"Right," Apollo said, nodding. "I keep hearing people talk about... this thing that Prosecutor Edgeworth helped you get?..." He squinted, as if bracing for impact.

He blinked at the young lawyer. "Oh," he said. "I don't know who told you... it was supposed to be a surprise..." He shrugged. "Yeah, it's true." He smiled a little wistfully. "I'll finally be able to feel like myself again, once I'm able to proudly show it to the world once more..."

How had he never heard about this deviant behavior until recently?! "M-Mr. Wright!" he squawked. "Don't you think that's... a little reckless? And... illegal?!"

The former lawyer's eyes hardened as he stared at Apollo. "Illegal? Hardly. No, Apollo, I'm done being associated with anything illegal."

Apollo blinked at him from the other sofa. "But then..." He bit his lip. How did you say " _please don't expose yourself to people_ " to your boss? Surely it wasn't up to him to say this, anyway?! Still, a part of him was morbidly curious about why in the world Prosecutor Edgeworth kept being brought up in these stories. "I... I heard Prosecutor Edgeworth is the only one you've ever trusted with... this thing," he pointed out. "So why would you show it to _everyone?_ "

Phoenix lifted an eyebrow and crossed one leg over the other, regarding him. "It's true I asked Edgeworth to take it once, about seven years ago. He was a little uncomfortable with it, but he did it, because he's a true friend."

"Is that really the kind of thing friends do?..." Apollo muttered weakly.

Mr. Wright shrugged. "He's never been conventional." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Anyway, sure, Edgeworth's the only other person I've given it to, but why should that mean I shouldn't proudly put it on display, now that I can again?" Those keen eyes were trained on him. Maybe it was Apollo's imagination, but there was something accusing in those eyes. "I'm not sure what you seem so nervous about, Apollo."

A bead of sweat trickled from Apollo's hairline and down the side of his ample forehead. This was getting a little too dangerous. Mr. Wright seemed suspicious of him. He'd better try to get as much information as he could before Mr. Wright cut off the conversation entirely. "I... I'm just wondering why I never heard about this," he confessed, his hands curling into fists atop his knees. That was the crux of it, he realized. If his boss and the Chief Prosecutor had... been intimate... so long ago, why did everyone seem to know about it but him?!

Phoenix sighed and looked contemplative. "I didn't want to take attention away from your early days, Apollo. I didn't want to steal your spotlight. But now that you've grown up a little… I guess I can stop hiding." He laughed a little. "It feels good to be able to talk about it now... man, I can't tell you how many all-nighters Edgeworth and I pulled, trying to get it back..." Apollo cringed, raising a hand to tell Mr. Wright to stop talking please, but the other man forged on before he could say anything. "I'd get so exhausted, I thought I couldn't do it anymore, but he would just keep pushing me until I got back up again." Apollo wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment. "Haha, sometimes it seemed like he worked even harder for it than _I_ did!" Phoenix Wright continued, oblivious to Apollo's plight. "He... really inspired me. Brought me back to life, even."

Okay, that was (more than) enough. Apollo was pretty sure he was going to evaporate from all the heat his face was giving off. He didn't see any escape from the implications anymore. His suspicions had been confirmed, and now he would have to go to a hypnotist to make him forget all of this. Well, at least he had his answers. The awkward part was over.

Except it apparently wasn't, because at that moment the Chief Prosecutor himself strode into the room, looking down at the scruffy man on the couch and crossing his arms. "I couldn't help but overhear," he said through clenched teeth, tapping his pointer finger against his arm. "I _thought_ we agreed that that information would stay between you and me, Wright?"

"Hey, he already knew," Mr. Wright said, smiling up at the prosecutor. "Did you get what you needed?"

"I can't seem to find it alone," he sighed. "I'm going to need your help."

"Sure," said the other man. "I owe you some favors, after all." He got to his feet.

How did Apollo not know that Mr. Edgeworth had been here at the Agency? Oh god, he had to get out of here. This was too much! "M-MR. WRIGHT!" he burst out suddenly. "That's enough! I don't need to hear any more about... about your relationship!"

Both older men stared at him blankly.

"Pardon?" said Mr. Edgeworth.

"I never said anything even remotely related to that," Mr. Wright said, looking utterly baffled.

"Guys, I know about all of it, okay?!" he said. "I know you had... a-a _thing_ seven years ago, I know you haven't been together for a long time until recently, and I know you're... back in full swing now!" He felt like he could fry an egg on his face. "Just... please stop talking about it..."

Phoenix looked a little offended. "Apollo, why are you getting so upset? I thought you'd be _happy_ that I got my badge back."

There was a very long silence during which Apollo stared at Mr. Wright and Mr. Wright stared at Apollo and Mr. Edgeworth stared at nothing in particular, his face tinged pink.

"I believe Mr. Justice has... misunderstood some of the rumors he's heard recently," the prosecutor said, pushing his glasses up his nose. He hadn't had glasses last time Apollo had seen him, he noted somewhere in the back of his mind.

"What? What rumors?" Mr. Wright asked, turning to face him.

Mr. Edgeworth looked so embarrassed that Apollo almost felt worse for him than he did for himself. "It has become something of a... an immature inside joke, if you will, among miscreants around the Prosecutor's Office, to relate your attorney's badge to..." He cleared his throat, determinedly staring at the wall, which was silly because it was the empty wall with nothing to look at on it. "...something else," he finished in a mumble.

"What in the world could they—" Phoenix started, but then his face went slack, and his eyes went wide. "...Oh," he said. "Oh. I... really?"

"So... let me get this straight," said Apollo, which was unfortunate wording really. "You guys were talking about the badge the entire time? You guys spent years trying to get your BADGE back? Mr. Wright is going to be able to show his _BADGE_ to everyone? Mr. Edgeworth is the only other person to hold your _BADGE?_ We weren't talking about... about anything else?" There was something like frantic hope in his voice as his eyes darted between them.

"Well," said his boss, shrugging. "...Yeah, that's mostly right. Edgeworth is definitely the only other one I'd want holding it, no matter what." He offered a lopsided, roguish grin.

" _Wright,_ " the Chief Prosecutor growled sharply.

"Oh come on," said the other (apparently newly re-instated) lawyer. "You'd get mad if I told him either way."

"You'll be lucky if I ever hold it again," the prosecutor hissed under his breath.

"Aww, don't be like that."

Apollo didn't know what to think anymore. Perhaps he should just stop thinking entirely. "S-So..." he swallowed, getting to his feet. "So you admit that... b-both implications...?!"

There was another silence, during which Apollo blushed furiously, Mr. Wright shrugged, and Mr. Edgeworth apparently attempted to use laser vision to make a window in the empty wall.

"I-I have to go for a walk," Apollo declared, clenching his hands into fists and stumbling off in a direction. He wasn't sure which. Any seemed okay right now. "A very long walk." He marched over to the door, swung it open, and got the hell out of there.

* * *

Phoenix and the Chief Prosecutor stared at the closed door, neither saying anything for a few moments.

"Aren't you going to tell him that the door he just went out of leads to the dead end at the end of the alley?" said Edgeworth, raising an eyebrow at the other man.

Phoenix just shrugged again. "He's a bright boy. He'll figure it out." He turned to the prosecutor. "So, wanna hold my badge?" He leaned in and moved his eyebrows up and down.

Edgeworth glared at him with a red face, which meant he was either about to either yell at him or kiss him. "Hold it yourself," he snarled, and turned on his heel to leave the way he'd come in.

Phoenix chuckled and followed after him. He'd forgive him eventually, and Phoenix was willing to wait.

* * *

 **A/N:** Jokes I didn't get to use:  
"He polishes that thing until it shines"  
"There are many like it, but this one is mine."  
"It's a symbol of everything I am!"  
And many more.


End file.
